Before

After


"Minimum security prison wasn't as easy as the name implies. Rough dudes in there. When I got paroled I decided I needed a fresh start. I met Dr. Boddicker at the Adult Video Awards convention where we were both competing to get an autographed copy of "Fisticuffs" and he told me "my friend, that face could knock a buzzard off the shit wagon". Now, the ladies of the neighborhood will be pleasantly surprised to see my new handsome face in their bedroom windows between the hours of 10PM and 1AM. Thank you, Baldwinization Centers of America!"
-Cletus Boehner

Before

After


"I was on a downward spiral of huffing starter fluid and soliciting underage girls online when I took a good, long look at myself in the mirror and I said "there's got to be a better way". After reading about the Baldwinization procedure in a medical journal, I knew it was for me. Now, I'm dashing, I'm sexy, and no age of consent in the world can hold me back!"
-Crandall Beecher

Before

After


"I met Dr. Boddicker in a business seminar where I was trying to learn how to find venture capital for my all natural wood-carved holistic whistle company. After he berated me for several hours on my personal appearance, he convinced me that a better Baldwin-me could be achieved in a short time. I'm happier than I've ever been! Thanks Dr. B!"
-Wendell Grundlemeir

Before

After


"I've been shot in the face several times, and each time I have my private surgeons rebuild me it always leaves me disappointed. In Dr. Boddicker I have a new face, and a new outlook on life. My Daniel Baldwin good looks not only helped me beat a recent prison sentence but I am beginning an exciting new career as an international underwear model."
-Caesar Escobar

Before

After


"When Dr. Boddicker Baldwinized my sister, my entire family was outraged. That was, of course, until they saw the respect, admiration, and lucrative job offers that came with having the looks of the most handsome man on Earth. After consulting with Dr. Boddicker, I decided to follow my sister's example, and soon after, so did my mother! Thank you, Dr. Boddicker!"
-Shannon Lunsford

Before

After


"I was a rich, healthy, successful male model. I was the epitome of sexy in the tri-state area. I wanted to test my girlfriend to see if she'd really stick by me, and since there was a $10 special on the Daniel package I figured why the hell not? Well... I didn't realize at the time that the surgery cannot be reversed. Of course, my girlfriend left me (ironically for someone who sprang for the Alec package)... but you can't argue with results!"
-Dash McBuffington

Before

After


"When you're 175lbs of upper body strength and pure, unrelenting sexual prowess like me it's easy to to forget about things like self esteem. Typically in the past I'd find the closest nerd to physically express my frustrations with my own life on, but a horrific body odor problem keeps most conscious people away from me these days. Now I've got my self esteem back, my odor is under control, I'm down to owning only four cats, and I'm on my way back to a life of beating the weak to rectify my own issues of abandonment and disappointment! Thanks Baldwinization Centers!"
-Dwane Pushstool

Before

After


"Bein' a Baldwin has helped me meet women who had previously rejected me. I've finally discovered the joys of consensual sex that I had been missing out on all my life."
-Frank Septon

Before

After


"When I saw 'Biodome', I knew right then and there that I wanted to look like Pauly Shore. Unfortunately, there's no procedure available to make you look like the Weasel, so I chose to look like that Baldwin boy in the movie. My partner says that I'm a better lover now than I ever was. Thank you, Dr. Boddicker."
-Gertrude Rucker

Before

After


"Running one of Arizona's hottest wife-swapping clubs and being a full-time gym coach at the same time just wasn't enough to get the ladies I wanted, so I decided to get the Baldwin look! Now I get all sorts of tail, and nobody recognizes me from the picture in the sex offender web site anymore! It's gonna be a great summer!"
-Simon Quilty

Before

After


"Being a repeat sex offender, it was hard to even leave the house without getting harrassed! So I got the surgery, and nobody knows who I really am any more. I'm able to live near a grade school again and my social life is skyrocketing!"
-Dexter Parnell

Before

After


"I wanted to be a rocker my whole life, but one day I found myself hanging out in public toilets just to listen to people take a crap and I knew I had to make a change. Now I play golf three times a week, I have a beautiful mail-order bride, and I'm the top salesman in our auto dealership. Baldwinization works!"
-Lars Mustain

Before

After


"Being a pole-dancer in Grundy's Exotic Lady Gentlemen's Club, I had to get several plastic surgeries to keep up my appearance. After letting a Japanese businessman snort coke off of my chest as I went into convulsions, I decided to do something a little more drastic. After getting turned down by every surgeon in town, Dr. Boddicker was the only one who would operate on me. Now I'm commander of one of the largest ships in the Navy!"
-Rhoda Lunsford

Before

After


"After learning that the government began to monitor my activities, I knew I had to get a new identity. Now, with my new Baldwin looks, the black helicopters and Men In Black that follow me no longer know what I look like."
-Floyd Himmler

Before

After


"My folks got me Baldwinized for my 18th birthday, and I've never been happier! The daily beatings from random people on the street have pretty muched stopped and I've even managed to ask a girl out without her laughing or vomitting! This has changed my life!"
-Cyril Dobbs

Before

After


"I was a loser who couldn't get the ladies. I knew that if I didn't make a change soon, I'd be stuck whorin' for the rest of my life, and my insurance wouldn't cover another case of the clap. Dr. Boddicker helped change me into the sexy man I am today. I'm still whorin', but the whores don't seem to mind it as much anymore."
-Dale Crotchmueller

Before

After


"My life was on a downward spiral of masturbation and huffing paint until I decided to become a Baldwin brother! The suicidal tendencies are still there, but at least I get laid!"
-Dylan Crappington

Before

After


"I had tried several methods to alter my appearance. Simple plastic surgery didn't work, so I tried to smash my own face with a hammer. Finally, after a brief jail sentence, I decided to put my life on course and become a man I have always admired: Stephen Baldwin. Now my life is on track and I've got facial hair to die for!"
-Dean "Duff" Craigan

Before

After


"I used to rock out with the Scorpions and Whitesnake, but I never knew what it was like to really rock until I took on the look of the ultimate bad-boy... Daniel Baldwin... YEAH BABY! ROCK AND ROLL!!! WOOOOOO!"
-Cecil Chode

Before

After


"I used to be plain, ordinary even. When I decided to get the Daniel look, it was the greatest decision I could have made in my life. I now earn almost twice at my job and I've accidentally impregnated not just the girl that works in the coffee bar down the street, but also my bosses secretary! I highly recommend!"
-Eugene Butterworth

Before

After


"I'm an absolute plastic surgery addict! I've had foreign substances injected into just about every inch of my body and I'm pretty sure I only had about 10% of my original bone structure. So when Dr. Boddicker met me in our Sexaholics Anonymous meeting and explained the Baldwinization surgery to me, I just about screamed with joy! I feel that now I am complete; the empty vortex of agony and despair that I was trying to fill with unneccessary surgery is finally full."
-Edith Bunstain

Before

After


"I've been kicked out of every band in town, and my audition for 'American Idol' was so bad they didn't even air it on the show. But thanks to my new look I'm a dashing world traveller and high powered executive at a leading technology firm in Boise."
-Cliff Buldge